


only me and you

by cypherkiller



Series: i don't smile for the camera; only smile for you [1]
Category: Daenamhyup | DNH, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Anger, Anger Management, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Not Canon Compliant, Panic Attacks, Pre-debut, Slow Burn, Things work out eventually, kind of, we don't rly know how dnh happened so i'm basically pulling things out of my ass at this point
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-18 19:58:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16523639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cypherkiller/pseuds/cypherkiller
Summary: things don't happen as they were supposed to.





	only me and you

**Author's Note:**

> hi ^____^ i'm writing this for namgiweek 2018! (you can check their project on twitter, @namgiweek)  
> i don't promise high quality writing, pristine characterization or accuracy because after all, we don't really have much info about how things were before seokjin joined bighit (we have some but they aren't really descriptive or conclusive), which leaves a hole in the timeline of bangtan, which i plan to exploit for the purposes of ANGSTY NAMGI HEHEH ( 〃´艸｀)  
> the updates are probably gna be rly slow and non consistent because i have writer's block pretty frequently and i also have uni ;___;  
> i hope you'll like it and not cr*nge too much at how not consistent and equilibrated my characterization is :'(( be lenient with me okay?  
> enjoy uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> three out of four.

_mid-2010_

 

 

namjoon wasn’t much of a trigger happy person. he preferred to be the voice of the reason, having a younger sister and all. 

as he walks home after a long day in his minuscule cramped studio, he thinks back to why he got so angry. he shouldn’t have gotten so irritated and snappy; he knows he shouldn’t have. it just felt like it was too much. but as he thinks back to it, maybe it really wasn’t. maybe he just misses home, he misses being surrounded by his family, misses having his little sister come to annoy him when he’s studying, misses being able to eat his mom’s cuisine as much he wants, misses being able to sleep without worrying for hours and hours if he’s ever going to be able to make it. it always comes back to the same sore wounds, and he's the person twisting the knife back in.

his head hurts. it’s probably the smell coming off of hunchul’s lit cigarette.

“joon-ah.” hunchul hums, finally finishing off his cigarette. he throws it on the sidewalk. namjoon sighs.

“yes?”

“why...” hunchul catches himself before fully stopping. he swings the bag in his hand nervously, the packs of cheap ramyun and a few bits of vegetables making some noise in the otherwise silent neighborhood. it’s 4am. “what happened today?” he inquires, tapping his fingers against his forearm. he doesn’t look angry, namjoon reasons with himself.

namjoon shrugs, feeling nondiligent. for the older male, it must feel as if he’s hiding something but the truth is, namjoon feels like it’s redundant to say the same thing again. he misses home. he feels hopeless. he feels weak.

and it’s not as if hunchul is his best friend, his confidant. they barely know each other. hunchul joined him a few weeks ago, and for a period of time, it gave namjoon someone to talk to, someone he could share his fears with. it gave him some kind of hope, something he didn’t have previously. but as time passed, things became bitter and repetitive. they didn’t have matching personalities, they didn’t like the same music, they didn’t share the same goals. they drifted away from each other.

hunchul takes namjoon’s shrug as an answer, as namjoon knew he would. they walk back to their old and tiny apartment in silence, only the sound of hunchul’s plastic bag keeping some kind of rhythm between the sound of their steps.

namjoon muffles his weak sobs into his pillow that night; he doesn't want hunchul to think of him of an even weaker person.

hunchul hears him nonetheless.

 

 

things weren't going the way they were supposed to. namjoon felt more and more helpless as the days went past. bang sihyuk kept telling him that he shouldn’t worry as much; instead, he should focus on producing and making music as much as possible. bang sihyuk had promised him to bring one of his old groupmates into the company, and for some time after his latest breakdown —they were more and more frequent — the thought of seeing any of his old friends kept him going.

 

one day, as he was coming back home —alone this time, hunchul had stayed at the company with a few other sunbaes to revise over some songs — he saw someone outside of his building, sitting on a big suitcase and holding a backpack against his chest. namjoon wondered how any of that would ever fit inside their apartment when he realized said figure was donghyuck, hair sticking out weirdly and looking out into nothing as he waited for someone to open the door for him. namjoon smiled, walking faster until he entered donghyuck's field of view, almost wanting to wrap his arms around his hyung. but he knew it'd be improper.

"hyung!" namjoon whisper-yelled, waving his hands in front of donghyuck's face. donghyuck jumped, suddenly realizing where he was and who was in front of him, waving his hand like a maniac and smiling as if his life depended on it. donghyuck's face cracked into a smile, and he promptly dropped his bag to gingerly wrap his arms around namjoon's frame. he patted namjoon's back and laughed.

"wow, joon-ah, i thought i'd never see you again!" he exclaimed, finally pulling back to take a good look to namjoon's face, who looked like he could just have exploded, cheeks flushed red and eyes shining. he had missed donghyuck. he could use some laughter and lightheartedness in his state; donghyuck could do that. 

after they got inside the apartment, while namjoon apologized for its state, donghyuck unpacked. they talked, namjoon asked how the rest of the crew were, donghyuck narrated their exploits and namjoon felt good for once. it felt as if donghyuck had brought home close to him. he silently thanked bang pdnim for keeping his promises; he promised back to keep working hard to secure his debut and make the company name big out there.

everything moved a bit more smoothly from that moment on. the trio performed a few times in the underground, pdnim was happy with how their training was running and namjoon was quite confident in his producing skills. he kept working hard to make his lyrics stand out, to make his pronunciation better, to make his flow smoother. namjoon’s heart felt lighter for some time, even if his training was intense and he barely had any time for himself. he still missed home but the feeling wasn’t as strong as before. 

hunchul joined dnh. even if the group was, in some way, split up, namjoon only had to message his old hyungs a few times before they agreed on hunchul being added to their group. hunchul was really a one of a kind person, bit too rude and sharp around the edges but namjoon had a hunch that having some new fresh insight would make the crew a bit more lively; after all, if things worked out, they would be debuting together. namjoon followed through his two hyungs orders every day, trying to keep things light at home, but the more donghyuck and hunchul disagreed, the worse things got.

sometimes they would fight at the studio, over some stupid bridge arrangement, or how hunchul didn't like donghyuck's flow in certain parts of the song and would insist for things to go the way he wanted it. namjoon stayed quiet through the fights, opting to not bring any attention to himself, knowing how vicious donghyuck could get. he had gotten in enough arguments with him to tell when he should back out, but unfortunately, hunchul didn't know; he never backed out or tried to bargain. 

the atmosphere at their tiny apartment would get cloudy, heavy and suffocating. namjoon couldn't bear living with two guys that were staring daggers onto each other's backs, even if he knew that a few days later, they would eventually also grow tired of the oppressing air they swam in. the few next months were harsh. bang pdnim had held a few secret auditions, but nothing had really come out of it. namjoon watched days pass like sand grains through the waist of an hourglass.

 

 until gloss came along.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> r u ready to meet yoongi next?  
> twt @ kooisgood


End file.
